Every mother and father fears the ultimate loss: the loss of a child. It's a fear we live with every single day. As parents, it's our innate duty to protect, teach, and LOVE our children. So losing them, it's just not an option. Until it happens.
Today, we are on day 24 since our nightmare began. Holy cow. I just counted that, and I'm astounded. 24 days since I last saw my baby full of life, happy, cuddly, laughing, dancing, and doing all of the incredible things that made Finn, Finn. It feels like yesterday. I can still see us on that last day together, in his room. I had purchased him those cardboard bricks we all played with when we were younger for his birthday, but being the person I am, I unpacked and put each one of those 50 blocks together early. So on that last day, a day I never knew would be the last, we played with those blocks. The memory is so vivid. Those times in his room together, him and I, feel like yesterday, like 2 minutes ago but an eternity ago all at the same time. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's because none of this does.
Finn was perfect. If you're familiar with our story, then you've heard us say it a million times...he had never been sick a day in his life (which I now see as God's work - but we will get to that later). Each day brings a new feeling, a new memory, a new emotion and all you can do (which is something I struggle with everyday) is take it 1 day at a time: because right now, right now it's survival mode.
